WHAT I'D LIKE TO PUT

on the answering machine.

Ring, ring. Hello, pause hello as you hear the computer kick in.

"Hi, this is Andy with Family Protection Plan, how are you this evening?" Since we both still have laryngitis and a cough from lower purgatory when we try to say more than three words in a row, the conversation went down hill after that. 

This is what I'd kind of like to put on the answering machine (but probably won't).

Hi, you've reached the number of two senior citizen, potentially cranky people who can have serious attitude problems depending who is on the other end of the line. If you are

1. Friends, family or somewhere in between please leave a message and we will happily return your call as soon as possible. 

2. The doctor's office, the pharmacy or a similar business please leave a message and we will get back to you ASAP.

3. If you are a robot or represent a business we've never heard of, never asked you to call us so on and so forth don't bother because we will delete you ASAP if you do leave a message.

As I said, I'd like to but probably won't. LOL