Originally posted on
FaceBook by Rick Archer
Kulula is a low-cost
South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously.
What a pity Kulula
doesn't fly internationally - we should support them if only for their humour:
On a Kulula flight ,
(there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want), passengers were
apparently having a hard time choosing their seats, when a flight attendant
announced, "People, people, we're not picking out furniture here, find a
seat and get in it!
On another flight
with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said,
"Ladies & gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be
turning down the cabin lights This is for your comfort and to enhance the
appearance of your flight attendants."
And from the pilot
during his welcome message:
"Kulula Airlines
is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the
industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
From a Kulula
employee:
"Welcome aboard
Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab
into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and,
if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised.”
"In the event of
a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop
screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child
traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs If you are
traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.
"Your seat
cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water
landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
"There may be 50
ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
"Thank you for
flying Kulula . We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we
enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
As the plane landed
and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the
loudspeaker:
"Whoa, big
fella. WHOA!"
"As you exit the
plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be
distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or
spouses."
Heard on Kulula 255
just after a very hard landing in Cape Town: The flight attendant came on the
intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what you all are
thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the
pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.”
Overheard on a Kulula
flight into Cape Town, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final
approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing,
the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother
City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the
Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
Another flight
attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please
remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal”
An airline pilot
wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway
really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand
at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks
for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had
a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have
a smart comment.
Finally, everyone had
got off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, "Sir,
do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no
Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?”
The little old lady
said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
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