Friday, January 17, 2014


The latest installments from La La Land.

Frankly, I don't even know where to start on this installment of Right Wing Insanity. 

We've got aliens, and Canadians, and the Chinese army and the UN need a program just to sort out the theoretical plot lines.

From the top. These aren't undocumented aliens. No ladeeez and genlemen these are real honest to goodness travelers from beyond the stars aliens. I'm not sure from the article if the aliens are actually supposed to land or if the president is supposed to announce that we've made first contact via what? Radio? TV? Little beeps of prime numbers? Flashing lights from the vicinity of Alpha Centauri?

Somehow this alien contact is supposed to make the president more popular and boost his sagging poll numbers. And Mr. Gerrow is a little vague on how that's supposed to set the stage for invasion and take over of the US by Canadian and Chinese troops in the guise of UN Peacekeepers. If was a drinking woman I'd be breaking out the Jack Daniels right about now. Too bad I have to settle for another cup of tea.

And what do the aliens get out of it? Street cred? Access to resources? The chance to really serve man. (old Twilight Zone episode. The aliens who look a lot like Porky Pig in lederhosen show up, bring peace on earth and tell us they're working from a book titled To Serve Man. Turns out it's a cookbook. Man I miss Rod Serling).

In my opinion reality probably looks a little more like this. If our solar system has been discovered by some alien race. One that values keeping a whole hide. They've probably ringed us with a system of warning beacons broadcasting some version of this. I mean, what SANE alien would want to visit this sorry ball of dirt at this point in our history? I mean do they sell "I visited Earth and survived" bumper stickers at spaceport gift shops?

 "Warning. Enter at your own risk. The inhabitants of the third planet from their star may be primitive by our standards but they are armed to the teeth. And they shoot first and ID the bodies later. If you insist on being blithering idiots and checking them out anyway,  please leave the following information to be transmitted to Central. Name of ship, planet of origin, registration number, names of passengers and crew with contact information for their next of kin. If you do get into trouble, you're going to have to get yourselves out because we aren't risking our necks, pseudo pods, tentacles, whatever to save your sorry hides. Message repeats."

Now for act two. The callling on members of our armed forces to basically stage an armed coup d' etat. Uh, guys! Yah, you idiots over in row three. The key to most successful conspiracies is keeping your big mouths shut until H hour.

And we all join hands and go merrily skipping down the yellow brick road ignoring the Great and Powerful Oz hiding behind the curtain.

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